Can’t Watch This
When was the last time you watched something so scary, cringe-worthy, or unbelievably tacky — in a movie, on TV, or in real life — you had to cover your eyes?
I don’t have the stomach for gore. Scary, truly scary, gives me nightmares. I can’t imagine how I got hooked on Game of Thrones. If you have a great imagination, the books are even more gory and scary than the TV show. I do have a great imagination. But, I love it all the same.
I’m not going to elaborate on that right now, though. I can’t even recall when the last time something made me cover my eyes was, but what I do vividly recall is the day my oldest daughter did not get hit by a car. That’s a spoiler in case you, like me, don’t like to see, hear or even imagine kids getting hurt.
I have blogged about my two youngest daughters several times in my young blogging history, but I do have an older – now officially an adult, daughter. That’s another spoiler.
She was about seven years old at the time and I was in my early 20’s. Looking back on my own story, I can say I was a baby having a baby. We grew up more like siblings than mother and daughter. I saw her, treated her and spoke to her as an equal. Because of this, she always came off as very grown up for her age.
On this day, we were going shopping. I’m not exactly sure what the store was, but I do recall it was a strip mall in New Hampshire, where we were living at the time. We made our way to the door, but just as we were going in, S remembered something that she just had to have. I do not remember what it was. I do not remember a lot about that day to be honest, just what was burned into my brain.
And that is this. That car is going to hit her!
She had darted from me and out into the parking lot before I even had a second to think about what she was saying or what she was doing. She must have been in a hurry to acquire whatever it was that she forgot, because she did not even look where she was going.
But what I saw, when I turned my head to follow her on her mission, was a car going much too fast and only inches away from my baby girl. That car is going to hit her! It is a fact. There’s no getting out of this.
I screamed and was frozen, I couldn’t move a muscle…except to close my eyes. This couldn’t have lasted more than a couple of seconds, because when I did not hear an impact my eyes immediately flew open and I was able to run to her.
I don’t know what happened in that couple of seconds that my eyes were closed, and I doubt myself as a mother often when I think back on what happened that day. Why was I frozen? Wouldn’t a good mother have instinctively run out into the road to throw herself into the line of fire, frozen muscles be damned? Don’t I read and hear stories about this kind of heroic mother often?
I don’t know. What I do know is, this was my miracle. That car was going to hit my daughter, but then it just…didn’t. It’s impossible. It had practically happened already when my eyes forced themselves closed. But it didn’t happen. That car did not hit her.
Now, I’m sure I ran out into the road at this point to lead S away from the now stopped car. I can’t say if we stayed or if we left. I can’t say what I said to her, or what she said to me. I don’t remember any of that.
What I remember still, 15 years later and probably until I take my last breath, that car was going to hit her. But then, it didn’t.